How to recognise the signs of gaslighting in relationships and the workplace.
Partners or co-workers who use gaslighting to manipulate those around them don’t always come off as calculated or harmful individuals. This is why it’s important to be able to recognise the signs and symptoms of gaslighting in relationships and the workplace.
Gaslighting is a form of psychological manipulation in which the "gaslighter" uses a variety of tactics to make the victim doubt their own perception, memory, and reality.
We’ve broken gaslighting down into four main categories to help you recognise its patterns before it gets to this stage:
Scapegoating
Scapegoating is the act of unfairly blaming someone else for problems or issues in the relationship or workplace. The gaslighter has a repeated outlet for their frustration, and the victim is made to feel inadequate or incompetent in daily life.
Example in relationships:
When a gaslighter has been repeatedly slacking on household chores and the victim voices their frustration, the gaslighter may falsely blame their lack of motivation on the victim’s ‘nagging’ or ‘criticism’. This unfair blame perpetuates the cycle of built-up frustration and nagging in the victim, and inaction from the gaslighter.
Example in the workplace: A manager may consistently hold one employee responsible for the team’s underperformance, even though the issue may be due to management itself. The employee starts to believe they are bad at their job, and volunteers for tasks less often, fearing further failure.
Coercion
Coercion refers to the use of charm, threats, manipulation, or force to make someone do something against their better judgment. It disregards the consent of the victim and damages their sense of independence.
Example in relationships:
After a period of withdrawal towards their partner, a gaslighter may offer charming gifts to distract from their behaviour. Any remaining bitterness from the victim could be labelled ungrateful, removing accountability from the gaslighter and leaving the victim silenced, allowing the cycle to repeat.
Example in the workplace:
An employee has consistently worked overtime as their boss keeps suggesting a possible promotion. However, the boss has no plans to reward the employee and even brings up subtle threats of job security throughout the day to manipulate them into working longer.
The Straight-Up Lie
Lying seems like the most obvious tactic, but in gaslighting its aim is to cover up damaging or shameful behaviours. The gaslighter consistently provides false information, denies the truth, or distorts facts.
Example in relationships: The gaslighter may have a habit of lying about their whereabouts and may even fabricate evidence. This makes their partner doubt their own authority to ever question their partner, allowing the cycle to repeat.
Example in the workplace:
After a manager makes a mistake, they might falsely claim that their employee was the one who did it, and may bring up fake conversations with other staff members or fabricated evidence to convince the employee of their failure.
Reality Manipulation
This kind of manipulation can make a victim question their perception of their experiences and memories. Gaslighters use various tactics to achieve this, including denying the truth, minimising concerns, and creating confusion to gain power and control.
Example in relationships:
The victim sees the gaslighter speaking to their ex-girlfriend at a party and expresses her discomfort. The gaslighter tells the victim that he didn’t and that she’s always imagining things, making the victim question her memories from the party and previous occasions.
Example in the workplace: An employee may be granted time off for a holiday, but as their holiday approaches, their boss falsely states that they never officially authorised it and is disappointed in the employee. This makes the employee doubt their memory and perceptions of past meetings.
If you think you might be a victim or even a perpetrator of gaslighting, it is important to have a support system. We recommend reaching out to mental health professionals such as our trusted team at We Lysnvia welysn.com.
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If you are in a crisis or experiencing suicidal or homicidal thoughts, contact 000 or your local emergency Mental Health service.
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